


de indolentia

by chatona



Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-12
Updated: 2012-01-12
Packaged: 2017-10-29 10:00:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/318671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chatona/pseuds/chatona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It starts as a bet between friends, but when the winner loses his heart, everything falls apart</p>
            </blockquote>





	de indolentia

**Author's Note:**

> This is really rather old, but for the sake of archiving, here it is.

Prologue

The thick scent of sex lay over the small bedroom. The window only showed the faint lights of the night, but through the open door flooded brightness, illuminating the wooden floor which was half covered by fluffy carpets and half by two scattered sets of clothes.

On the large bed curled the men to whom the clothes belonged. Lukas Podolski pulled the condom off, tied it up and let it fall to the ground.

‘You’ll clean that up later,’ growled his companion.

‘Sure, sure.’ Lukas stretched, reached for a shirt from the floor and put it on Bastian Schweinsteiger’s legs.

‘You’re such a dirtbag, you know that, right?’

‘Shut your face, be thankful and clean that mess on your stomach. You smell. Idiot!’

‘Wanker!’ Bastian rubbed the drying sperm off and fell back onto his sheets.

Lukas occupied the other half of the bed, he was staring at the ceiling and hummed. On his back, with his hands under his head, he appeared fully at home in Bastian’s bed.

‘Stop looking so smug!’ Bastian exclaimed. When he received no reaction, he sighed. ‘Remind me again why I let you fuck me?’

The humming stopped. ‘Because I’m irresistible.’

‘You’d like to believe that, huh?’ Bastian rolled his eyes. He didn’t need to look to be aware of Lukas’ grin.

‘Nah. I know I am,’ Lukas grabbed the remote control from the bedside table and turned on the TV. The hectic flickering of a music video and the loud sounds made him wince and turn it off again.

Bastian had popped himself up on one elbow and was watching his best friend. ‘You’re so full of yourself, it’s disgusting.’ He poked Lukas in the side.

Lukas shrugged. ‘You love it!’ and they both laughed.

After that, they fell quiet. A toilet flushed in another apartment and Lukas murmured something about too thin walls. In the street, an ambulance drove by.

‘Prove it,’ Bastian’s voice cut through the silence.

Lukas furrowed his brows and looked at Bastian. ‘Prove what?’ he asked. ‘That the walls in this house are thin?’

‘No,’ the playfulness from before was lacking in Bastian’s words and this puzzled Lukas even more than what he said. ‘Prove that you’re irresistible!’

Lukas sat up and stared down at Bastian. ‘I fuck you, don’t I?’

Bastian held his gaze steadily. ‘That doesn’t prove anything. Neither does that all the girls are crazy about you. They’re just chicks.’

‘You’ve gone insane, right?’

Bastian smirked. ‘So you admit you’re not irresistible?’

Lukas didn’t hesitate one second. ‘No way, asshole. I bet I could fuck any guy on the team if I tried.’

‘You bet, huh?’

Lukas eyes were hard when he answered. ‘Yeah. Pick one and I’ll prove it.’

‘Fuck Klose, then.’

 

 **Chapter I**

It is said that the position in which a person sleeps tells a lot about their personality. A man, Professor Idzikowski, studied the sleeping behaviour of people and categorised it into six positions with a different meaning each.

This system has been criticised as too stereo-typical. No person should be reduced to three or four character traits as every human being is multi-layered and too complex for a system of six categories.

Also, people do move in their sleep.

Miroslav Klose, for example, didn’t restrict himself to one sleeping position. He slept best when on his back, but his arms were either to his sides or on his pillow or over his own body.

The first two positions are called ‘starfish’ and ‘soldier’. According to Idzikowski, this made Miroslav Klose a quiet and reserved man who did not like to make a fuss but set himself and others high standards. At the same time he was, after Idzikowski, a good friend and good listener who offered help when needed but did not like to be the centre of attention.

The third position doesn’t exist which proves that the system is faulty. Yet people who knew Miroslav Klose would wonder at how accurate the description of his character was, if they heard about it.

Miroslav was a quiet sleeper who made no noise and didn’t move in his sleep. It is often said that a dead person looks as though they are only asleep. With Miroslav Klose, it was the other way around.

He usually woke up the same position he fell asleep in and he possessed a loud and annoying alarm clock because it was hard to wake him up. He did sit up straight the second the alarm clock sounded, for half a second wide awake, but after that, the sleepiness hit him with full force and the only way to fight it was coffee.

So he got up this morning, had two cups and was feeling almost human when his phone rang. For a moment, all he did was stare in confusion, before he picked it up.

‘Klose?’

‘Hey, it’s Lukas. How are you?’

Miroslav furrowed his brows a bit and tilted his head while he pressed the phone against his ear.

‘I’m fine and you? ‘s there a reason you’re calling?’ He smiled at the wall opposite to him which was interrupted by two large windows that showed the back garden. He had read once that people could hear when you smiled on the phone.

‘Nah, not really. Just thought I’d find out if you’re still alive and kickin’. Haven’t really talked to you ever since the last training camp, you know.’

‘That’s true, yes,’ Miroslav said because he felt like he had to.

‘Well, I’m in Bremen right now and just wanted to ask you if you wanna hang out for a little while?’

Miroslav yawned, covering his mouth with one hand and turning his head away from the phone.

Lukas must have heard him though, because he laughed and said, ‘Not now, mind you. Like.. later on today. Maybe we could grab a drink this evening or you could show me a bit of the city or something.’

‘What are you doing in Bremen?’ Miroslav asked, he thought for a second and shook his head. ‘Sorry. Of course I’d like to show you the city. Just let me wake up first?’

Again, he heard Lukas’ laughter. ‘I took a holiday and Bremen’s one of the cities I haven’t really visited yet, so here I am.’ Miroslav imagined Lukas grin and shrug at those words and smiled slowly.

‘Where are you staying?’

‘The Park Hotel. You’ll pick me up?’

‘Sure. Is one okay for you? We could have lunch first somewhere.’

‘That’s great, thanks. See you then!’

After Lukas had hung up, Miroslav eyed the phone for another moment before he put it back and continued with his routine.

 

~o~

 

Lukas was leaning against a lamppost. With his hands in the pockets of his faded jeans and a plain blue jumper, he didn’t appear to be the sort of person that would have enough money to pay for a deluxe suit in the Park Hotel.

When Miroslav approached him, Lukas turned and grinned widely at him. Miroslav felt a smile tug at his lips. For a second, neither did move. A bird was singing in a tree somewhere. Then, Lukas took two steps forward and engulfed Miroslav in a hug.

‘Awake yet?’ Miroslav’s head jerked when he heard the whisper and felt the hot breath on his skin, but Lukas had already let him go. His face was straight, but the corners of his mouth trembled.

‘Wide awake.’ With a sigh, Miroslav pointed at the direction where he’d come from. ‘My car’s parked over there, but we could also walk to the café I thought we’d have lunch in if that’s fine with you.’

‘Sure.’

They walked in silence, Lukas always half a step behind Miroslav, until Lukas opened his mouth again.  
‘So, what are we going to visit?’

‘I’m not sure yet. Would you like to concentrate on architecture or on culture or just have fun?’

Lukas’ lopsided grin gave Miroslav the answer before Lukas did. ‘I’d just like to have fun. You know me, right?’

Miroslav nodded. ‘Frankly, I didn’t expect anything else.’

‘Boys will be boys, huh?’

‘Something like that, yes.’

‘So,’ Lukas sounded a bit like a child that asks how much longer it has to sit still in the car, but his grin defied the image, ‘What are we going to do?’

‘Whatever you want to do, I don’t mind. We could go swimming or biking. Maybe playing tennis if you know how to. We can go and visit Bremerhaven. If you’d told me a bit earlier that you’re coming,’ Lukas winced at this and Miroslav immediately felt guilty. He gave his voice a softer tone, ‘Then we could have planned a visit to Cuxhaven or something like that.’

‘It’s still a bit cold to swim in the sea anyway, isn’t it?’

‘Well, yes, but the mudflat is rather interesting. But we’d need more than one day for that and I do not have that much time disposable, sorry.’

‘So, you going to teach me how to play tennis?’

Miroslav run one hand through his hair and sighed. When he looked at Lukas, he faced two blue eyes that blinked up at him under long lashes. ‘Please?’

Miroslav cleared his throat and averted his gaze. ‘I guess, yeah.’

‘Oh, cool!’

Again, Miroslav had to smile because of Lukas’ happy grin. Soon after that, they reached the café. It was a cosy place, held in orange and brown and filled with the scents of cake, coffee and hot chocolate.

A young waitress showed them a free table and if she recognised them, she didn’t say anything. Miroslav still smiled.

He ordered marble cake and a coffee, Lukas decided to have hot chocolate and Black Forest gateau.

‘How long are you going to stay in Bremen?’ Miro asked while they waited.

‘Ah, I don’t know. Three days maximum, I have to be back at Cologne in four days and I did want to spend at least one day with my family.’

Miroslav rests his elbows on the table. ‘Did you rely on me entirely to keep you entertained during your visit?’

Lukas smiled another sheepish smile. ‘Uhm… yes?’

Miroslav was glad the waitress chose this moment to bring them their drinks and food. He didn’t want to blurt out something inconsiderate.

‘I’m sorry, Lukas, but I’ll have to attend some business tomorrow. We could go for dinner though,’ he quickly added when Lukas’ shoulders hunched and his smile faded.

‘I’ll be fine. The hotel room is great, you know,’ Miroslav nodded relieved, ‘I have internet and TV and a DVD player and everything I’d possibly need. They have a huge pool and everything. Oh, and by the way, where did you plan on teaching me tennis? Because the hotel has a tennis court, too, so we could do it there.’

Miroslav thought about this for a couple of seconds while Lukas continued with his flood of words until Miroslav raised his arms. ‘I could drive home and get my racket. You can either come with me or stay at the hotel, whichever you like better.’

‘I’ll come with you, of course!’

Miroslav nodded and they resumed eating and, in Lukas’ case, talking.

 

~o~

 

‘Wow. You really have a huge bed. Are you sure you sleep in here all alone?’ Lukas had sneaked into Miro’s bedroom, after having inspected kitchen and living room. He heard a thud from the living room. ‘Miro?’

‘I’m fine. What are you doing in my bedroom?’ Lukas imagined the frown on Miroslav’s face which was evident in his voice and grinned. ‘I just stumbled into it. And noticed how big your bed is. Looks very comfy, too.’

Silence answered him and he wandered back into the living room. Miroslav stood with his tennis racket in his hands, brows furrowed.

‘You have a nice flat,’ Lukas meant it. It seemed large and open, clean, with beautiful pictures on the walls. He smiled when Miroslav looked up, eyes wide. ‘Really.’

Miroslav nodded, shrugged. ‘You want to go?’

‘Yeah, sure.’

Lukas grinned more broadly and gestured for Miroslav to lead the way. He followed and kept his eyes glued to Miroslav’s ass. Silently, he thanked Bastian and then almost crashed into Miroslav when he stopped. ‘The fuck?’

Miroslav’s voice sounded patient. ‘I have to lock the door.’

Lukas felt a blush creep up his neck and shrugged.

 

~o~

 

Lukas’ muscular chest was clad in a tight muscle shirt, he held the tennis racket loosely in one hand and looked at Miroslav with tilted head. ‘So, how do we do this?’

The tennis hall of the Park Hotel was empty except for them and Miroslav wished that other players were here. The distinct sound a tennis ball made when hit from just the right angle, with just the right force, was one of the things he’d list as calming.

He showed Lukas how to stand in relation to the ball, how to hold the racket. The corners of Lukas’ mouth twitched upwards when Miroslav took Lukas’ warm hands in his, positioned them right on the racket.

The first ten minutes, Miroslav spent explaining Lukas the basics, in which way to hit the ball, very few rules of the actual game. Lukas shifted his weight, his eyes only stayed on Miroslav’s face shortly, before they flickered away again. ‘Can we play now?’

Miroslav grinned. ‘We can try.’

‘I’m so going to kick your ass,’ Lukas laughed and walked over to the other side of the net.

‘I doubt it. And you might want to stand a bit further back, or you’ll have trouble to even get near the ball.’

Lukas took a few steps back, now watching Miroslav intently.

Miroslav served.

 

~o~

 

‘Okay, I guess I’ll stick to football,’ Lukas laughed and lifted himself out of the pool, sat down on the edge. Miroslav grinned. ‘You weren’t all that bad, you’re just lacking practise. But you have a good hand-to-eye co-ordination.’

‘I still sucked.’

‘Nah, you didn’t. For your first time, that was pretty good.’

Lukas blinked and nearly blushed before he remembered that Miroslav was talking about tennis. ‘It was fun,’ he looked down at Miroslav, who was floating in the water, his hair dripping wet and little droplets running along his face.

‘Yeah,’ Miroslav said softly, with a smile.

Lukas’ cock twitched. He bit the inside of his cheek and plastered a grin upon his face. ‘I’ll still stick to football. Better for my ego.’

Miroslav laughed and pushed himself off the wall, dived under. Lukas watched his half-naked form which was blurred by the water, then he slipped back into the pool.

The swift crawl loosened the muscles in his shoulders and he swam a few more laps. When he saw Miroslav getting out of the pool, he followed. ‘I’m kinda hungry.’

‘Yeah, so am I. Let’s have dinner.’

‘Sure. Where are we heading?’

Lukas looked twice, but the blush on Miroslav’s face didn’t disappear. ‘I thought I’d cook something. Polish, if you want.’

Lukas heard Miroslav clearing his throat and registered that he had been staring. ‘That’d be great!’

He wanted to sling an arm around Miroslav’s shoulders, press the man against his chest for a moment. They reached the showers and instead of hugging Miroslav, Lukas looked at him from the corners of his eyes. Miroslav was taller than him, but only marginally and weren’t it for his profession, Lukas knew Miroslav would be scrawny. As it was, his muscles were well defined. Lukas turned his shower on cold.

‘So, what’s for dinner?’

‘Surprise.’

Lukas threw another quick glance at Miroslav and found the same grin he knew was on his face on Miroslav’s. ‘Tease.’

‘Curiosity killed the cat.’

‘I’m not a cat!’

They finished their showers. ‘Hey,’ Lukas said and tapped Miroslav on the shoulder, ‘D’you have some good movies?’

 

~o~

 

Lukas leaned back against the smooth back of the couch and sank into the pillows. ‘Didn’t know you could cook.’ He patted his stomach. ‘That was gorgeous!’

Miroslav smiled and folded his legs under his body. Lukas raised one eyebrow at the position he knew he wouldn’t be able to sit in for long. When he said so, Miroslav shrugged. ‘I think it’s comfortable.’

‘You’re weird.’

‘Thanks.’ Miroslav kept smiling and took the remote control. The first sequences of advertisement flickered over the screen and Lukas stretched his legs, slipped down until his head rested on the back of the couch.

The movie started and they fell silent. Lukas relished the feeling of tiredness in his muscles, wiggled his toes a bit and drank the orange juice he had found in Miroslav’s fridge. They laughed at the same moments and at one particularly sad scene, Lukas looked over and saw Miroslav bite his lip, teeth scratching over the soft, reddened skin there, drawing the lower lip in and releasing it again. Suddenly, Lukas’ throat felt dry and he grabbed the orange juice and gulped it down, stared at the screen again.

The film went on, Lukas commented how predictable that scene was and Miroslav nodded, unfolded his legs. Their shoulders touched. A girl screamed and Lukas grinned. ‘She’s hot, isn’t she?’ he asked, but it wasn’t her he was looking at.

Miroslav tilted his head, focused on her. ‘Yeah,’ he finally drawled and the corners of his mouth curved upwards. Lukas’ arm which had been lying across his stomach, had fallen asleep and he put it on the back of the couch instead.

Near the end of the movie, Miroslav’s head fell back, his hair tickling Lukas’ skin. Lukas nearly jumped, gazed down and saw Miroslav with closed eyes, his face relaxed and his mouth slightly open. Lukas extended one hand, nearly touched Miroslav’s cheek and drew back before he did. Slowly, he let his arm slip from the back of the couch onto Miroslav’s shoulder and drew the warm body against his. It would be embarrassing later, when Miroslav woke up. Lukas laid his head onto Miroslav’s, surprised at how silky the hair felt against his face, and closed his eyes.

 

~o~

 

Lukas sat on the train back to Cologne. He was alone in the cabin; it seemed not many people travelled first class at this time of the day. He tried watching the landscape, but gave up soon and grabbed his mobile phone.

‘Schweinsteiger?’

‘Hey Basti. How you doin’?’

‘Good, good. Something up or you just missin’ me?’

‘Missing you, sure. I might miss your backside, but that’s about all.’

‘Jerk. So, why are you callin’? ‘Cause I’m so not having phone sex with you.’

‘You wish. I wouldn’t lower myself to have phone sex with you.’

‘Man, you’re not listening. I said I wouldn’t.’ Lukas almost saw Bastian rolling his eyes while saying this.

‘Sure, I heard you. But you meant “Oh, Lukas, I’d love to have phone sex with you, please, fuck me, right here, right now, I’m begging you!”, didn’t you?’ He laughed, slipped out of his shoes and put his feet up on the seat opposite to him.

‘Yeah. Of course, that was obviously exactly what I meant. Arrogant idiot!’

‘Bitch.’

‘So, why did you call?’

‘Just to tell you that stage one of my secret project is done. Went wonderfully!’

‘Stage one?’

‘Yeah, you know.. befriending Miro.’

‘You’re tryin’ to be friends with him?’ Bastian’s voice sounded like he had just said ‘What the fuck’ instead.

‘Course I am. I can’t very well just jump him, can I?’

‘You jumped me!’

‘I was horny!’ Lukas sounded defiant.

‘Lukas, you’re _always_ horny!’

 _‘Am not!’_

 _‘Are, too!’_

 _They laughed._

 _‘So, you just went to Bremen, called him and met up with him? That’s crazy, even for you.’_

 _‘Hey, I have a bet to win.’ Lukas shrugged._

 _Bastian sighed. ‘You’re so single-minded, honestly.’_

 _‘Single-minded?’_

 _‘Yeah. It translates to dumb.’_

 _‘Phew. See who fucks you next time we meet.’_

 _‘You?’_

 _‘Keep dreaming, babe.’_

 _‘Now, seriously. What happened in Bremen?’ Bastian’s voice became calmer, the laughter subsided._

 _‘Well,’ Lukas began, ‘Nothing happened. He taught me how to play tennis and cooked and we watched a movie,’ he trailed off and smiled at the memory. ‘He didn’t flirt back or anything, but we got along fine. And.. he really does have a nice ass.’_

 _‘Single-minded and horny,’ Bastian couldn’t refrain from throwing in._

 _‘Ah, shut up.’ Lukas paused for a second, then continued, ‘He made dinner. Polish,’ and he quickly suppressed the wistful note his voice threatened to carry._

 _‘Cool. Anyway, I got to go,’ Bastian said and they said their goodbyes, added a few insults for good measure and hung up. Again, Lukas stared at the landscape, wishing the train was faster. He toyed with his mobile for a while and then lifted it again, typed Miroslav’s number._

 _‘The person you called is temporarily not available.’_

 _  
**Chapter II**   
_

_Joachim Löw clapped his hands. ‘Okay, ten laps everyone!’ and the group jogged away. Lukas and Bastian easily fell into step, as did Philipp and Timo right behind them. In front of them was a bunch of players, David Odonkor, Per Mertesacker and others. And in front of them, alone, ran Miroslav Klose._

 _Lukas threw a large grin at Bastian and speed off until he was side to side with Miroslav. ‘Hey Miro.’_

 _Miroslav’s answering smile was quick, but it lightened up his whole face. ‘Hi. How are you doin’?’ Their feet his the ground in the exact same rhythm, their steps the same length. It made Lukas smile._

 _‘I’m great and you? I tried calling, but your phone was always turned off.’_

 _‘I know. Sorry ‘bout that but I was really busy.’ Miroslav sighed, lowered his head. ‘I’m good though,’ he said then and smiled again. For a while, they ran in silence, each relinquishing in the familiar feeling of their running._

 _‘D’you want to hang out this evening?’ Lukas asked after they had finished their sixth lap. They were panting slightly. Miroslav shrugged. ‘What are you doing?’_

 _‘Just hang out, there’s a bar David says is pretty good, somewhere downtown.’ They were far into their seventh lap now, legs stretching with each step, the thump of their feet in perfect synch. Both were past the point in which running is exhausting; it felt good to run like this, side by side._

 _‘Sure. I’ll come,’ Miroslav smiled and Lukas breathed out slowly._

 _~o~_

 _The bar was crowded and cigarette smoke hung low in the air. In the background, pop music played and over it, the sound of many drunk voices layered to a maelstrom of words. Timo laughed at something Philipp said. Morning practice had been cancelled, so they were able to enjoy themselves a bit longer. Miroslav sat on a couch between Lukas and Bastian who kept insulting each other over his head. He felt comfortable and a bit dizzy – not from alcohol, because he hadn’t drunk but one beer, but from fatigue._

 _He did notice the warmth of Lukas’ leg which was pressed against his. It was nice, the rest of his body felt abnormally cold. He should’ve worn the warmer sweater._

 _‘No, actually, I think Yoda would’ve completely kicked Spock’s ass. He’s jedi, man!’_

 _Bastian growled. ‘Well, fuck you, but Spock is Vulcan, so!’_

 _‘Yeah, “so” must be the best freakin’ argument I’ve ever heard.’_

 _‘Asshole.’_

 _‘You’re convincing me, like, completely. Idiot.’_

 _Miroslav laughed softly at their antics. He had now idea when and how the subject had ended up being Star Trek and Star Wars, but with Bastian and Lukas, everything was possible and he was quite glad they weren’t talking about hair dryers, like the last time he had overheard a conversation between them._

 _Lukas looked at him for a second, with raised brows, then a huge grin spread out over his face. ‘So, what do you think, huh, Miro?’_

 _Bastian’s elbow bored into his left side, not painful but uncomfortable. Miroslav leaned closer to Lukas. ‘I haven’t exactly thought about these issues yet?’_

 _‘Well, you’d better start thinking now, then,’ Bastian chuckled and withdrew his elbow again. Miroslav shrugged and rolled his eyes, but he was still grinning while he emptied his beer._

 _‘I think,’ he began and made a pause for the dramatic effect, ‘that Yoda would win that fight.’_

 _Lukas let out a ‘wohoo’ and boxed the air while Bastian sacked down, his head hanging low. ‘My life is ruined!’ he complained and Lukas reached over Miroslav, patted Bastian’s back. ‘Poor baby, don’t cry.’_

 _‘Can a man not even mourn in peace, here?’_

 _‘Not when you have friends like Lukas, no.’_

 _‘Hey, now you’re teaming up against me or what? No fair!’ Lukas pouted._

 _‘Who’s the poor baby, now?’_

 _Miroslav ducked under the swing Lukas took at Bastian. Over the table, he caught Philipp’s eyes who winked at him and shouted ‘You don’t exactly have the safest spot there!’ By all the noise in the room, it took Miroslav a second to understand him, but then he shouted back ‘I noticed’ and grinned._

 _Bastian fled to the men’s bathroom and Miroslav settled back onto the couch. He gestured for the waitress to brink him another beer, then he turned and watched Lukas sip on his coke. ‘How come you never drink alcohol?’_

 _Lukas placed his coke back on the table before he focused on Miroslav. ‘I don’t really know. Guess I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop once I start or something.’ A shadow crossed Lukas face, but a second later his grin was back in place. ‘Besides.. I’m weird enough without alcohol already, don’t you think?’_

 _Bastian chose this moment to come back from the toilet and chirped in, ‘You are, believe me, you are. I don’t want to imagine you drunk, you’re bad enough sober.’_

 _‘Gee, thanks. I love you too.’_

 _~o~_

 _Lukas parked the car and stepped out into the cool air of the early night. ‘Here we go,’ he said to no one in particular and waited while Miroslav and Bastian climbed out of the car, too. Together they walked into the hotel lobby and asked the night porter for their keys._

 _In the elevator, Lukas and Bastian joked, but Lukas was distracted trying to watch Miroslav in the mirrors without being caught. Bastian’s room was on the second floor. ‘See you tomorrow,’ he said and his eyes locked with Lukas’ for a second, a smirk forming. See you later, he meant and Lukas felt himself harden slightly in anticipation, but he had other plans. He threw a quick glance at Miroslav and smiled._

 _They left the elevator on the next floor. Their feet made no sounds on the soft carpet of the hotel corridor and they were quiet except for the soft rustling of clothing. It was a comfortable silence, but Lukas felt his stomach tighten and gulped dryly._

 _Miroslav’s room was 305, Lukas’ 314. They stopped at Miroslav’s room. Lukas’ eyes darted over the corridor. When Miroslav opened his mouth to say goodnight, Lukas closed the distance in jerky movements, but when he covered Miroslav’s lips with his own, he did it carefully._

 _One hand found its way into Miroslav’s short hair, the other rested on his waist. With his body, Lukas pressed Miroslav against the wall next to the door._

 _Miroslav’s lips were soft and warm. Lukas almost moaned, exploring the heat that was Miroslav’s mouth with his tongue. His brain felt hazy and when he noticed Miroslav’s hands against his forearms, Miroslav’s hip bucking up against his, the tension left his shoulders and he smiled into the kiss._

 _Miroslav pushed Lukas away._

 _For a moment, they just stared at each other and Lukas absently licked his lips. He could still taste Miroslav there. Both panted. Miroslav, still leaning against the wall, blinked rapidly and then his face closed off._

 _‘Goodnight, Lukas,’ he said in a voice much resembling his face, void of emotions. Lukas distantly felt himself biting his lip and watched Miroslav get into his room, then he stalked off to Bastian’s._

 _~o~_

 _Bastian smirked as he heard the loud knock and lazily made his way over to the door. ‘Well, that didn’t take you long,’ he wanted to say, but Lukas’ lips, hard and relentless on his, ended the sentence mid-flow. While Bastian was surprised, his body reacted, his hands came up to cup Lukas’ face and his mouth opened. He heard Lukas slam the door shut and then felt Lukas’ hands digging into his ass._

 _They stumbled backwards until Bastian hit the bed. He fell onto the soft covers, for one moment disoriented, and immediately, Lukas’ mouth was crushing down on his again. Lukas grabbed Bastian’s wrists and pinned them down over Bastian’s head. Bastian felt his jumper ride up and the fabric of Lukas’ shirt on his naked skin. Lukas ground his erection against Bastian’s leg and Bastian was almost painfully hard, too. He turned his head so their kiss was broken._

 _‘Whoa, whoa, what’s up with you? Are you that horny?’ he tried giving his voice a light tone. There was an angry aggressiveness about Lukas that didn’t fit._

 _‘Shut up and let me fuck you,’ Lukas growled and Bastian’s eyes narrowed. He turned his head back and looked into Lukas’ face. Lukas’ eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes dark. Bastian kissed Lukas._

 _Within seconds, they were both naked and Lukas had Bastian pinned to the bed again, their tongues duelling in the same harsh motion with which Lukas grated against Bastian. Bastian wiggled, for a moment annoyed that Lukas didn’t manage to create enough friction around his cock, but when he opened his legs further, all feeling ceased except for the up and down of Lukas’ body over his. They were frantic and their speed increasing. Lukas pushed down when Bastian arched up, they rocked together and all that existed was their panting, the feel of skin and the lust burning in them._

 _Bastian moaned, spilling over his stomach in bursts, and Lukas followed swiftly. It took them a while to catch their breath, then Bastian let out a stifled laugh. ‘So much for fucking me, huh?’_

 _Lukas rolled of him. ‘Shut up,’ he said, but it didn’t sound angry anymore._

 _‘Bit more appreciation would be nice.’_

 _‘Fucker.’ Lukas got up and cleaned the sticky mess on his own stomach with some tissues. ‘Night, Basti,’ he said before he padded out of the room. Bastian lay on his back and grinned up at the ceiling._

 _~o~_

 _The dark engulfed Miroslav’s lanky form, the only source of light was a street lamp a couple of yards away. The ball which repeatedly bounced against the wall cast eerie shadows on the pavement. The only sound in the silence of the night was the loud thud of the ball when it impacted on the wall. Miroslav was frowning, his teeth grinding, disjointed thoughts running through his head._

 _Lukas had kissed him. Miroslav could still feel his lips tingle. He shook his head violently. Lukas’ warmth had felt nice against him, but Miroslav felt his throat tighten at the memory. Lukas was a team mate. Lukas was a man._

 _Miroslav took a deep breath and stilled. His mind was reeling. There were things people didn’t talk about and he had never known where to draw the line. Was it better to discuss this, or should he never speak of it again?_

 _He bit his lip and kicked the ball one last time, as hard as he could, then he caught the ball after the final thud and went back to the hotel._

 _Miroslav didn’t sleep well that night and he needed more coffee than usually the next morning. He didn’t meet Lukas’ eyes._

 _~o~_

 _It was Lukas who broke the silence between them. He had waited for Miroslav to go back to his room and then followed him into the corridor._

 _When Lukas first called out his name, Miroslav stopped, but didn’t turn around. Lukas balled his hands._

 _‘Miro,’ he said, but received no reaction. ‘Mirek.’_

 _Miroslav turned around. His shoulders were slightly hunched and his dark eyes guarded. ‘Hi Lukas.’_

 _‘Hey. Man, we have to talk.’_

 _Miroslav shrugged and looked at the ground. There was an almost-smile on his lips, but it died immediately. ‘Let’s go to my room?’ Lukas proposed and Miroslav shrugged again. ‘Okay.’_

 _They walked down the corridor in silence, like they had the last evening. This time, the silence between them was tense. Lukas gulped dryly and opened his door._

 _Miroslav followed him into the room but inclined when Lukas gestured for him to sit down. They both stood there for one moment, then Lukas grinned lopsided. ‘Well. I.. kinda wanted to apologise. Didn’t mean to do anything you didn’t want and stuff. Just.. don’t let it become awkward between us, ‘kay? Especially not on the pitch.’_

 _Miroslav nodded and smiled. ‘Even if I hated you, I wouldn’t let it interfere with our games. Those are too important.’_

 _Lukas’ grin broadened. ‘Glad you think so.’ Then, like an afterthought, his face fell. ‘Oh my god. You’re not homophobic or anything, are you?’ His eyes widened and his panicked expression made Miroslav laugh._

 _‘No. I’m not.’_

 _‘Oh. Good. Good!’_

 _‘So.. uh.. why did you kiss me?’_

 _Lukas fidgeted. ‘Well.. I wanted to?’ Miroslav rolled his eyes. ‘Hey, it’s true. You’re nice and I felt like kissing you. I like kissing you.’ Lukas took a step towards Miroslav, then another one. He lifted one hand and rubbed his thumb over Miroslav’s cheek. Miroslav blushed but otherwise didn’t react._

 _Lukas hesitated, but when Miroslav didn’t pull back, he kissed him, soft and chaste, only a press of lips against lips. It was sweet. For a moment, neither moved. They breathed together, only their lips touching._

 _Lukas felt Miroslav sigh and take a step back. Miroslav’s eyes were almost black. ‘I’m sorry, Lukas, but we can’t do that.’ With one last glance back, Miroslav left the room._

 _Chapter III_

 _  
_I wanted  
I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed  
I needed to hear you say  
That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I forgive you  
For being away for far too long  
So keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing_   
**Nickelback – Far Away**   
_

 

~o~

 

Miroslav leaned back against the wall and slowly slid down to the ground. His eyes were dry, but he couldn’t blink, only blindly stare into the room. He still held the phone in one hand, but it barely registered. The wall felt hard and steady against his back, the room seemed to sway.

Miroslav let go of the phone, pressed his palms into the sockets of his eyes, ran his hands through his hair. He took a deep breath and then another one, before he pushed himself off the wall and grabbed the phone again.

‘Joachim? It’s Miroslav. I.. I have to leave.’

 

~o~

 

Lukas stretched, hands flat against the wall, eyes focused on the ground where he could make out every single blade of grass. He leaned forward, put more pressure on his left calf. Behind him, he heard David Odonkor and Bastian laugh and, further distanced, Michael Ballack argued with Jens Lehmann. Lukas couldn’t make out what they were talking about. He concentrated harder on the grass, started to count the blades. Then he counted seconds instead. After twenty, he switched the leg.

Bastian strolled over. ‘Hey.’

‘Hi Basti. Say… You don’t know where Miro is, do you?’ Lukas was practised, he knew how to give his voice a casual tone. Millions of interviews had taught him.

‘Nah, why do you ask me. Worried, loverboy?’

Lukas knew he was blushing and was glad for the blood already pulsing through his cheeks from the extensive training session and for the sharp gusts of wind. ‘I just wondered, ya know. He just disappeared, didn’t say bye or anything. I just wonder.’

‘You worry. Admit it.’

‘Oh, fuck off. Only thing I worry about is the bet. How can I fuck Miro when he’s not here?’

‘Phone sex?’

‘Smartass.’

‘In your place, I’d go talk to Jogi instead of standing here insulting my superior intelligence.’

‘What, now you’re helping me?’

‘Yeah, well. Wouldn’t want you to lose your bet ‘cause you’d have to say you’re not irresistible. On your knees and all. Wait. On second thoughts, I do want you to lose your bet. Oops.’

Lukas rolled his eyes. ‘Right.’ He whacked Bastian and then started to walk away. ‘Bye, asshole,’ he said over his shoulder, ‘and thanks for the advice!’

He went over to stand beside Joachim Löw who was watching Lehmann and Ballack, frowning. ‘Never mind them,’ Lukas grinned, ‘They’re probably just fighting over who has the prettier hair.’

Joachim shook his head, but there was a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. ‘Sure. Anything the matter?’

Lukas shrugged. ‘I just wondered about Miroslav. He’s been away for.. what, how many days, three? The training camp will be over in five. Just thought you’d know where he is. Something wrong with him?’

Joachim’s shoulders tensed and Lukas swallowed dryly. ‘There’s something wrong with him, is there?’

‘No. Nothing wrong with him, not exactly.’

‘Damn, what’s that supposed to mean? Jogi? C’mon, tell me?’

‘It’s not my place to tell you. I’m sure he’d tell you if you asked.’

‘Mh. Well, thanks, I guess.’

‘Don’t worry, Lukas. Go get a shower, training’s over.’

 

~o~

 

Lukas put the magazine aside and eyed the door. When there was another knock, he jumped up and opened, not caring that he was only clad in boxers and his hair stood up in all directions because he had just let it dry after the shower.

Miroslav leaned against the door frame, a shadow over his face.

‘Miro?’ Lukas stared. ‘What.. I mean, why.. I mean, come on in.’ He took a step back and Miroslav followed inside. Images of the last time Miroslav had been in his room flickered through his mind. He remembered the soft texture of Miroslav’s lips and felt himself harden.

Miroslav still held his head down so that Lukas couldn’t see his eyes.

‘How are you?’ Lukas finally asked, because he didn’t know what to say. Miroslav didn’t answer and the silence fell between them, heavy and almost tangible.

Lukas hunched his shoulders. ‘What are you doing here?’ he continued, ‘And where have you been?’

When Miroslav spoke, his voice was raw and hoarse. ‘You like me, right?’

Lukas blinked several times. ‘Well… Yeah. I said so, didn’t I? I mean, I do…’ This encounter felt surreal to him. It was as though Miroslav was acting, but no one had informed Lukas what his lines were. He didn’t know the script.

Miroslav touched his face and when their lips met, Lukas figured he didn’t need to. He stepped closer so that their chests were touching, the material of Miroslav’s shirt cool against Lukas’ skin, Miroslav’s hands warm on his face, his neck, his back. The kiss was gentle and soft at first, but Miroslav opened his mouth, tilted his head a bit and Lukas grew from half-hard to fully erect within the fraction of a second.

His low gasp filled the room. ‘Mirek.’ Miroslav hummed at the back of his throat and the sound made Lukas shiver. He noticed how cold his room had been, he felt warm only in the places where his skin was connected to Miroslav’s and somewhere low in his gut.

It felt like smiling.

Lukas kissed Miroslav again, pulled him tighter, let his tongue slide over Miroslav’s lips and into the heat of Miroslav’s mouth. He closed his eyes and opened them again, his lashes fluttering against Miroslav’s cheeks. Miroslav was watching him with dark eyes and an unreadable expression.

Lukas curled his fingers around Miroslav’s neck, drew little circles there and licked a long trail from cheekbone over jaw to collarbone. Miroslav tasted of salt, like the sea or like tears. He stood perfectly still, his lids flittered, but he didn’t close his eyes and didn’t look away.

When Lukas found his mouth again, Miroslav did close his eyes and his hands trembled as he lifted them to rest on Lukas’ back. He moaned, tiny and desperate, a sound which was almost lost in their kiss. Lukas inhaled slowly. He dropped one hand to cup Miroslav’s ass, pressing their bodies closer together, the other still on Miroslav’s neck. Miroslav’s hair was soft and tickled his hand when he moved it.

Lukas vaguely remembered he had had questions, but everything faded as they tongues touched and he couldn’t concentrate on anything but Miroslav’s mouth on his and Miroslav’s hands on his naked skin. He massaged Miroslav’s ass, moaned when it resulted in rubbing motions against his groin. They almost broke the kiss.

Lukas hesitated, not willing to let go of Miroslav’s backside, but he let his fingers slip under the hem of Miroslav’s shirt, brushed over the abdominal muscles and felt the rough fabric of Miroslav’s jeans and the trail of hair that disappeared in those jeans. Miroslav raised his arms when Lukas moved the shirt up, his hands gliding over every inch of skin before Miroslav wiggled out of the shirt.

For a moment, they stood unmoving. Lukas’ eyes wandered over Miroslav’s still form; Miroslav bit his lower lip, drew it in and released it again. Lukas swallowed dryly and edged closer, released his hold on the shirt to grab Miroslav again and turned them around.

They kissed again and only stopped once, when Miroslav’s legs hit the frame of the bed and Lukas pushed him onto the mattress. Miroslav held onto his shoulders and Lukas followed him down to the bed, straddling his hips and rocking in the rhythm of their kiss.

 

~o~

 

Lukas’ mouth felt fuzzy and his lids too heavy. He blinked several times and noticed that his lids were not the only part of his body feeling that way. He tried to lift his arm to rub his eyes, but a warm weight held it down and Lukas blinked again.

The room was dimly lit, the clock on his nightstand said four a.m. and Lukas needed to piss. He scratched his stomach with his free hand and glanced down to check why he couldn’t use the other one. He checked again, but Miroslav didn’t disappear.

A slow smile spread over Lukas’ face, followed by a frown.

‘Mirek?’ he whispered. Miroslav averted his gaze which had been trained on Lukas. ‘’S it mornin’ already?’ he mumbled and there was an awkward pause. Their bodies were still pressed together and now, Lukas felt the dried sperm on his stomach.

He laughed, ‘No, man, it’s still night, but I really need to piss,’ and after a stunned moment, Miroslav grinned and rolled off him so that he lay on his side, facing Lukas. He looked as though he was going to fall off the bed any second and Lukas’ eyes darted through the room before he touched Miroslav’s face with one hand and Miroslav’s mouth with his lips.

While he peed, Lukas remembered the questions he had forgotten under the assault of Miroslav’s kisses, soft skin, Miroslav’s presence. He washed the sperm off his abdomen, afterwards handed Miroslav a clean washcloth and sat down on the bed cross-legged.

‘Figured now is as good as any time, so, you know, let’s talk.’

Miroslav rubbed his stomach and didn’t answer. After a minute, Lukas sighed, ‘Okay, I’ll just ask then. So, uh, why were you away the last days? Where were you?’

Lukas tilted his head and waited. Miroslav stood up, threw the washcloth to the floor and turned so that Lukas could only see half of his face. He crossed his arms, shifted his weight, backed off further into the shadow of the room. Lukas thought he wasn’t going to answer.

‘My mother’s in hospital.’

‘Oh. I mean, I’m sorry. What’s wrong with her?’

‘Cancer.’

Lukas gulped. ‘Oh, shit. How bad is it?’

He guessed Miroslav’s shrug more than he saw it. ‘Bad,’ Miroslav said and his voice sounded flat, as though he had forced the word out under pressure.

Lukas balled his hands. ‘Damn.’ He hated the feeling of helplessness that spread through him, the same way he felt when his team was losing and there was nothing he could do.

Miroslav walked to the window and opened the curtain, stared out into the night while Lukas looked at the curve of his back and suppressed the urge to hug him. ‘The surgery lasted for five hours. She’s okay for now, very weak though. They don’t know yet if they have removed all cancer cells.’

Lukas felt the soft carpet under his bare feet when he walked behind Miroslav and carefully touched Miroslav. His skin, too, was soft. For a moment, Lukas admired the way his hand splayed over the small of Miroslav’s back.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked and his voice sounded rough and too loud in the silence of the room.

Miroslav’s shoulders slumped. He half turned and looked at Lukas. Lukas saw creases of sorrow and worry in his face; Miroslav appeared tired and weary. ‘I don’t know,’ he said, ‘I really don’t know.’

A second later, Miroslav’s mouth was over his, hot and consuming. ‘Whoa,’ Lukas took a step back when they broke the kiss, ‘Are you sure this is what you want?’

‘Fuck what I want,’ Miroslav snarled. ‘Please, Lukasz.’

While they stumbled to the bed, Lukas realised that this was most likely a very bad idea.

 

~o~

 

When Lukas awoke again, with heavy eyes and feeling disoriented, Miroslav was watching him. Lukas sat up and stared at his clock. It read seven a.m., two and a half hours before morning training began. From a look out the window, one could barely guess if the sun was up, heavy grey clouds overshadowed the area which lay in relative darkness.

He turned back to Miroslav whose gaze was still trained on him. It made Lukas’ skin prickle; he couldn’t decide if he liked the sensation. Miroslav’s face was as unreadable as before and it made Lukas nervous. He fidgeted.

‘We kinda have to talk, don’t we?’ he said it with a grimace, only half a joke.

Miroslav looked away. ‘Yeah, we do.’ His voice was serious.

Lukas yawned, his jaw-bone made a cracking noise and he gave a lopsided grin. ‘Maybe we could shower first and grab some coffee? I’d like to be awake ‘n all, you know?’ He waved his hand a bit.

Miroslav nodded. ‘Sure. I’ll go to my room to change and such. Let’s meet up in,’ he bit his lip a bit, ‘say, half an hour downstairs?’

Lukas stayed motionless until Miroslav had left and then wished he had reached for him and kissed him instead. The bundle of worry in his stomach grew and the shower he took did nothing to erase it. He lay his head against the cold tiles and closed his eyes, sighed.

What he had done last night, twice, hadn’t been right. He had known the second time. He should have stopped it. The ghost of Miroslav’s touch made it hard to regret anything, but the sinking feeling, the way his chest had clenched up last night, that hadn’t gone away either.

‘Fuck what I want.’ He remembered Miroslav’s words and his guilt amplified.

Lukas shook his head and ran his hands through his wet hair. ‘Nonsense,’ he said out loud to himself and then was surprised to hear his voice in the silence. ‘Nonsense,’ he repeated, ‘I’m winning my bet. This is good.’

He echoed this statement in his mind while he towelled off and dressed. This was good. If he played this right, he’d win his bet in no time.

The taste of bile in his throat didn’t go away. It got worse.

 

~o~

 

They sat in the little café, facing each other. Lukas was absently turning his cup of coffee in his hands while Miroslav just looked down onto the table.

‘So,’ Lukas said.

‘So.’ Miroslav bit his lip again and then took a breath, opened his mouth to say something.

Lukas was faster. ‘Listen, I’m really sorry.’

Miroslav looked up sharply. ‘For what?’

‘Taking advantage of you.’ Lukas shrugged, a bit helpless. ‘I mean, with the situation you were in, your mum and all, and you came to me and then I went and we did all that. I’m just sorry. Should’ve been a better friend or something, not lured you into bed.’

Miroslav blinked at him for a moment and then laughed quietly. ‘I wanted to apologise, too,’ he said and Lukas almost panicked, thinking he was going to say he regretted it. ‘It really should be me apologising,’ Miroslav continued, ‘I know this is no justification, but with my mother and all, I really just wanted all these thoughts, all these worries to go away for a little while. Just to stop thinking.’ He sighed. ‘We’re male. Sex is a great way to stop thinking. But I used you for that. I knew you liked me and I used you and I’m really sorry.’

Miroslav stopped and dropped his gaze for a second before facing Lukas again, guilt and fear, worry and self-hatred written over his features for Lukas to see. Lukas hand twitched to reach over and cover Miroslav’s. He looked around, found two girls on another table looking and pointing at them excitedly and let his hand rest on the table.

‘I don’t feel used,’ he shrugged. ‘I mean,’ he ran one hand over his face, ‘I did want you pretty badly there. You’re hot, man!’

Miroslav laughed a bit and there was a tinge of red over his cheeks. The mirth soon disappeared from his face, and again he looked tired. ‘So, what does this make us? What do you want us to be? Was that just a one night thing?’ Miroslav was looking away again.

Lukas gulped. He was asked to put his heart on the line here. Then he reminded himself that he was actually just winning a bet. He took a deep breath. ‘I want us to be more than that, but I don’t know what you want.’

Miroslav sighed and hid his face behind his hands. When he answered, it came out muffled and Lukas had to ask him to repeat. ‘I don’t know what I want. But I’m not going to walk away from, from what I did. From you. The least we can do is try, right?’

Lukas smiled.

 

 **Chapter IV**

‘Mornin’ Basti-darling,’ Lukas shouted as he straddled his chair.

‘Mornin’. What’s with the idiotic grin on your face, asshole?’ Bastian said around his breakfast.

‘Close your mouth when you eat. I’m in a good mood.’

‘Yeah. That’s my point. What the hell happened? It’s early, dude. You’re supposed to be grumpy and sleepy.’

‘Well, I’m not.’

‘Right. It’s freaking me out. Did aliens replace you? What the fuck happened to you?’

‘Oh, nothing. Nothing,’ Lukas smiled and began to munch his breakfast. His left leg continually twitched underneath the table, his feet tapping a rhythm to a song in his head.

‘You’re scaring me.’

‘Ever so sorry, Basti. Will you forgive me?’

‘If you clean my soccer shoes, bitch.’

‘Yeah, right. That’s so going to happen.’ Lukas laughed and after a second, Bastian started, too.

 

~o~

 

Lukas took a deep breath, pushed himself off the ground and started running again. His ankle hurt. He only saw the ball cross his peripheral vision for one second. In sync with Lukas’ next inhalation, Miroslav got control over the ball. Lukas sprinted forward, parallel to Miroslav.

Miroslav shot. Lukas breathed in. The ball landed in a perfect arc. Lukas smiled and tricked Arne Friedrichs. Philipp came towards him and he passed back to where he knew Miroslav was waiting.

Miroslav scored.

Lukas grinned ferociously and rushed over to Miroslav. Their fingers brushed a little too long when they high-fived. Miroslav answered his grin with one of his own, ran one hand through damp hair, clapped his back.

‘Okay, we’re done, boys. Good work, everybody. Lahmi, great tactical understanding you have there. Miro, Poldi, perfect teamwork. Haven’t seen the two of you working this well together in a while. Keep up the synchronism. Really, well done, everybody. Go take a shower, I’ll see you this afternoon for the next training session.’

 

~o~

 

‘Hey Lukas, wait a second.’

Lukas stopped and turned around, slung his bag with his training gear over his shoulder. ‘What’s up?’ he asked and grinned at Bastian. They fell into step easily as they made their way from the training ground back to the hotel.

‘What’re you up to this evenin’?’

Lukas shrugged. ‘No idea yet.’ He wasn’t going to tell Bastian that he was hoping to spend the evening with Miroslav. He bit his lip and remembered, found his resolve again. ‘Maybe gonna do something ‘bout the bet, you know.’

He swallowed down any bad feeling his own words roused.

‘Ah, damn. I was kinda hoping you’d come kick Timo’s and Phil’s asses at playing playstation tonight.’

Lukas thought back to Miroslav’s grin after he’d scored. He shook his head. ‘I could do that, too. Bet still has time, right? We didn’t set a limit, did we?’

‘Nah, we didn’t. But come to think of it, maybe we should’ve, seeing as you’re going nowhere.’ Bastian grinned and Lukas bit his lip again. ‘So, you coming to play tonight?’

Lukas nodded. ‘Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am.’

Bastian slapped his back. ‘Great. ‘s gonna be fun, man.’

‘I know,’ Lukas laughed.

 

~o~

 

Miroslav didn’t knock. He stormed into Lukas’ room, a bright smile on his features.

‘She’s okay,’ he said and pressed Lukas against the wall. ‘She’s really okay.’

‘Uh.’ Lukas blinked at Miroslav, but then his face lit up. ‘That’s great!’ He beamed and touched Miroslav’s forearms.

Miroslav pressed an open mouthed kiss onto Lukas’ neck, Lukas’ throat and then they were kissing for real. Lukas grabbed Miroslav’s shirt and pulled him closer, moaned at the heat of Miroslav’s tongue in his mouth.

‘They got all the cancer cells out,’ Miroslav whispered and closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Lukas’. He slipped one hand under Lukas’ shirt and drew circles and shapes there that left Lukas breathless and with goosebumps rising on his arms.

Lukas pressed their bodies together and closed his own eyes. Miroslav’s second hand found its way to Lukas’ neck, fingers winding into too short hair.

They kissed again, languid and sweet.

‘Thanks,’ Miroslav whispered, ‘Thank you.’

‘For what?’ Lukas asked, interrupted by kisses.

‘Just…’ Miroslav shrugged and leaned closer. ‘Yeah,’ Lukas breathed and they smiled. Lukas stretched a bit, his body rubbing against Miroslav’s. Miroslav’s breath hitched.

Lukas leaned forward and captured Miroslav’s lips again, drew the bottom lip between his teeth the way he had seen Miroslav do it before. Miroslav stood still, his eyes closed, his stance relaxed and Lukas’ smile grew wider. He stepped away from the wall, towards his bed and pulled his shirt over his head, let it fall to the ground. Miroslav held his gaze and Lukas blushed. Then, almost as an afterthought, he locked the door.

Miroslav followed him, kissed him again and when Lukas opened his mouth to joke, ‘One of us has too many clothes on,’ Miroslav silenced him with a finger on his lips and a shake of his head.

In silence, they undressed.

Miroslav stepped out of his trousers and his underwear and Lukas sucked in a breath. He stared openly, let his eyes wander over Miroslav’s lean, muscled form. Miroslav blushed and took a tentative step towards Lukas.

Lukas touched Miroslav’s hips, felt the hipbones under his hands and drew Miroslav closer. At the first full-length body contact, Miroslav shuddered and sighed. He dropped his head to Lukas’ shoulder and for a moment, they stood unmoving.

The silence between them made Lukas think of morning snow, untouched, clean and undisturbed.

They kissed again. Miroslav pulled Lukas down until they both were spread over the bed, Lukas half on top of Miroslav. A grin tugged at the corners of his mouth as he lifted himself up on one elbow, sneaked the other hand between their bodies. Miroslav gasped, arched his back and Lukas held his breath, captured by the moment.

Miroslav’s hand over his heart brought him back to reality and he couldn’t help but kiss Miroslav’s swollen lips. Miroslav’s touch was soft and gentle, almost tickling as it ghosted over Lukas’ skin. Fingernails over his arms made the goosebumps come back, Miroslav’s hand on the small of his back made him hold his breath again, the touch of his ass made him grind down against Miroslav.

They both moaned.

The room was soon filled with soft groans and sighs as hands became more adventurous and Lukas’ eyes fluttered closed before he opened them again to look at Miroslav, open and vulnerable under him. He had to struggle to keep his eyes open, the sensation of Miroslav surrounding him, combined with the sound and the sights was almost too much.

He drew back and slowly pushed back in.

 

~o~

 

Lukas punched Bastian’s shoulder. ‘You see Timo’s face when he realised they had lost?’ He grinned and shook his head.

‘Yeah. Priceless, really. I wish I’d had a camera with me!’ Bastian formed an imaginary camera with his hands and pointed it at Lukas who did his best impression of Timo’s expression.

‘Click,’ Bastian said, ‘Now I’m going to sell this to the press, they’ll pay me and I’m gonna be rich. Oh, wait. I already am.’

Lukas whacked Bastian who took him into a headlock. Lukas escaped only by tickling Bastian. They chased each other down the corridors, laughing and gasping, all the while shouting insults. After a while, they calmed down and fell into step again.

‘So, did tonight set you back any in the bet’s progress?’ Bastian asked with a sly grin.

‘You wish!’

‘I thought you said you’d planned to spend tonight with Miro?’

Lukas blushed, looked away to cover it.

‘Lukas, honey, do I see you turnin’ red there? So there is something that will embarrass you? Awh. That’s so cute!’ Bastian laughed and Lukas punched his shoulder again.

‘Well,’ he drawled after he got his composure back, ‘I don’t exactly need more progress, ya know?’

Bastian’s eyes widened. ‘There something you’re not telling me?’

‘Basti, there’s a million things or more I’m not telling you!’ Lukas’ grin threatened to tear his face in half.

‘Don’t be like that,’ Bastian almost pouted, ‘It’s our bet. I have a right to know!’ They reached Bastian’s room and stopped in front of his door.

‘Jesus, you’re annoying. Yeah, I fucked him. So therefore, I won!’ Lukas kept grinning even though his stomach did a little flip and turned.

‘Oh.’ Bastian said nothing for a minute, hands on the knob to his door. ‘Well, congratulations!’ he grinned. ‘You want your price now or later?’

‘My price?’

‘You can fuck me,’ Bastian said benevolently.

‘Darlin’, I can fuck you any time I want. I thought more something along the lines of you on your knees admitting that I’m irresistible. And after that, I might fuck you. But not tonight.’

Bastian shrugged. ‘Okay, whatever. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, asshole!’

‘Night, bitch. Sweet dreams!’

‘Same to you. Jerk.’

They grinned and Bastian went into his room. Lukas walked away, rounding a corner a few steps from Bastian’s room.

Miroslav’s frozen eyes stopped him.

 

 **Chapter V**

And do you want me in your life?  
I feel so incomplete,  
You left me too far behind.  
 **Trapt – Disconnected (Out Of Touch)**

Lukas looked at the girly magazine, the section where it said ‘Dr Irmgard knows all the answers – Let a professional solve your love-troubles!’ and seriously considered writing Dr Irmgard a letter.

‘Dear Dr Irmgard. I made a bet with my best friend that I could fuck this one guy and I did. I won the bet, everything’s dandy. The guy overheard me talking about the bet and now he won’t talk to me anymore. And I kinda wish he did. What do I do?’

He chuckled and sighed.

‘Fuck.’

Miroslav hadn’t said a single word since the overheard conversation in front of Bastian’s room, he hadn’t even looked into Lukas’ direction.

When Lukas mentioned it to Bastian, all he had received was a shrug. ‘Well, it was just a bet. Bad luck he found out about it, but you guys never really were close, so what do you care?’

Lukas tried not to care, but his thought kept coming back to Miroslav’s open face when he’d said that at least they could try to have a relationship.

Lukas sighed again and ran one hand over his face and through his hair. He put the magazine down and went to train, hoping that the sport would erase all thoughts.

 

~o~

 

Lukas opened the door to his room and let his bag fall to the floor, kicked his shoes off.

When he raised his eyes from the floor, he gasped and froze.

Miroslav was leaning against the wall next to the window, a tight-lipped half-smile on his face and his eyes on Lukas.

‘Uh…’ was all Lukas’ brain provided him with.

Miroslav pushed himself off the wall, but didn’t move towards Lukas.

‘When I was nine years old,’ Miroslav’s Polish words spilled into the room and Lukas wrinkled his forehead, shivered and stood still. Miroslav continued, ‘I broke the cookie jar.’

Lukas wanted to say ‘stop’, ask him what was going on, but he only shivered again, transfixed by Miroslav’s gaze.

‘I was at my grandmother’s, together with my parents, my cousin and his parents. I didn’t tell anyone about it because I was scared to see the disappointment in my parents’ eyes.’

The intensity of Miroslav’s gaze lessened.

‘When they found the broken cookie jar, they asked me if I’d done it and I said no, so they figured my cousin had done it. His father beat him up pretty bad – and he was only six.’

Lukas bit his lip, wanted to shout ‘but what does that have to do with us? Why are you here?’. His hands quivered with the urge to touch Miroslav.

‘I went to my grandmother and confessed that it was me who broke the jar and she told me that you have to take responsibility for your actions, that you have to reflect upon your actions.’

It was quiet, until Lukas realised that Miroslav wasn’t going to say anything else. ‘What’s this about?’

Miroslav sighed and Lukas frowned, glanced up at Miroslav, drew a breath. His fingers played with the hem of his shirt.

‘It’s about taking responsibility. About thinking about your actions in advance. It’s about fairness and about not always taking the easiest way out, but instead doing what’s right even when it’s the hardest thing to do.’

With each sentence, Miroslav came a bit closer, until he reached out and touched Lukas’ arm. Lukas looked up again.

‘It’s about being a good person, Lukas.’

‘I love you,’ the words were out before Lukas registered that he had opened his mouth. He blinked and then held his breath.

Miroslav took another step towards him, his other hand came up to rest against Lukas’ neck. They stood like that, forehead to forehead, and Lukas didn’t dare breathe, his heart beat hard and fast against his chest.

‘I know,’ Miroslav said softly, ‘but that doesn’t change a thing.’

With a brush of his hand against Lukas’ cheek, Miroslav was gone.

 

~o~

 

Lukas turned in his seat and stared out of the window. The hotel behind them became smaller with every meter the bus drove. Lukas squinted a bit, his eyes watering from looking into the sun. The sky was bright blue and his team mates were loud around him.

Bastian next to him leaned forward and whispered a particularly crude joke into Timo’s ear, loud enough for Lukas to understand.

Lukas forced himself to laugh with the others and felt more empty than ever before. Bastian’s hand fluttered over his tight before taking a cookie Philipp held out. Lukas shook his head when Philipp offered him one, too.

Miroslav sat in front of the bus, next to Torsten Frings. From what Lukas could see, they were talking quietly. Miroslav shrugged and they both laughed. Lukas bit his lip and fought down a wave of heat cursing through him. He balled his fists.

He laughed when everyone else laughed, even though he didn’t know what the punch line was.

Torsten stood up and walked over to Michael Ballack, falling down in the seat next to him. Miroslav pulled out a book.

Bastian leaned in and whispered, this time only for him to hear, ‘You want to fuck me in the bathrooms at our next stop?’

Lukas closed his eyes, Miroslav’s image imprinted behind his lids, and shook his head. ‘Nah, thanks. I don’t want to do that anymore,’ he said and stood up.

He felt Bastian’s eyes on his back, but didn’t turn around when he made his way over to the now free seat next to Miroslav and sat down there.

Miroslav didn’t look up, but he didn’t pull his hand away, either, when Lukas squeezed it.


End file.
